Mabel and Dipper looked around the nigh-impenetrable structure, and saw a hole in the side dripping an oily black substance. They ran closer to Umbrae’s castle through the woods until they came to a clearing surrounded by dead trees. In the center was a large crater filled with the black liquid.
“Ewww, what is that stuff, Dipper?” Mabel looked disgusted as she peeled a piece of gunk from her shoe.
“I don’t know, Mabel. It looks like tar.” Dipper walked to the edge of the crater and poked the pool with a stick. Something stirred under the surface. Dipper saw this and backed away slowly.
“Mabel…get ready to run…”
The surface bulged in multiple places as single-eyed blobs rose from it. They looked at the twins and shuffled off into the forest. The liquid stirred again. This time a monocular square demon rose from the pool. It looked at Dipper and Mabel, frozen in fear, floated toward them, and stuck out an oil-covered hand.
“Well, kid?” it asked in a deep, raspy male voice.
“Don’t do it, Dipper!” Mabel yelled.
“Oh, be quiet, you. I’m just saying hello.”
Dipper extended his hand and took the demon’s hand in a squishy handshake. “Ughh…” Dipper wiped his hand on his shirt in disgust.
“What are you kids doing here, anyway?”
“We’re looking for a way into the castle.” Dipper points up at Umbrae’s lair.
“Hmm, Umbrae doesn’t really like uninvited guests. The only reason she lets me stay here is ‘cuz I purify her cesspool.”
“Cesspool?! You mean this stuff is-“
“Raw negativity! And it’s my job to make it positivity. I’m Sol. Sol Bizzare, but everybody calls me Sol Sorde!”
“…I can see why they call you that. “ Dipper backs away.
“We really need to get in the castle. And we saw that drippy hole up there, so we thought we’d enter that way.” Mabel came up behind Dipper while the latter stood there trying to wrap his head around how this negativity substance can exist.
“Well, I’m all for playing around exit pipes, but there are other ways in.”
“Really? Can you get us in?” Dipper asked.
“I can. But, you gotta do something for me.”
“What do you want?”
“I don’t get to see Umbrae very often, but she is one fine demon. If you get in and survive her lair, I want you to get me a date with her. “
“Matchmaker Mabel is on it!” Mabel says cheerfully.
“You’ll really talk to her for me? Well, then, I guess I can get you in. But, you won’t get anywhere looking like that.”
“Like what?” Dipper asks.
“Like normal humans! Everything around here has been mutated by Umbrae’s dark powers. “
“We saw.” Dipper said in a serious tone.
“So, what I’m gonna do is mutate you, temporarily, just enough to pass for not human in this world. Oh, and lose the sweater. Umbrae sees you wearing a smiling sun, she’ll toss you out faster than you can say “Ouch!”
Mabel looked a little sad. “Oh, all right.” She takes her sweater off.
“Ready? Hold still, this’ll only hurt for a second.” Sol grabbed the twin’s heads, jerked their heads up and with a surge of electric-like energy, the twins transformed into shambling, hairy, snaggle-toothed monstrosities.
Sol lifted his hands and sighed. “It is done.”
Dipper shambled to the cesspool to look at his reflection. “Aah!” He lept back in shock. “I look horrible!”
Mabel looked at her reflection. “My teeth! My hair! My cuteness!...Wahh!” she cried.
“Let’s get going. “ Sol took their hands and flew them up to a large stone door on the castle. He knocked on it. An electronic eye came down to them. The Siamese Twins appeared on the screen.
“Ye-e-es? Who is it?” Mo, the left head said.
“Oh, it’s you. What do you want Sol?” Noh, the right head asked in an irritated tone.
“Uh, I brought some creatures from the forest…as gifts for Umbrae.”
“That’s why you’re interrupting our very important sitting on our butt doing nothing? Umbrae has plenty of dark abominations to amuse herself with, so why don’t you.—“
“Who’s at the door, Noh-Mo? I heard the word “gifts.” Umbrae’s voice echoes from behind them.
“Oh, it’s just Sol, he says he has gifts for you. Like he would have anything you want, Mistress.” Mo snarked.
“I’ll be the judge of that.” Umbrae lifts the Twins with her powers and looks through the camera.
“So, what do you have for me?” She looks so closely that one of her many eyes appears gigantic on the outside monitor.
“These two creatures were brightly colored and full of pep, like some sort of vile cheerleader mixed with a candy-colored teddy bear!”
“Ugh!” Umbrae recoiled. Mabel just stood there, blissfully imagining a candy-colored teddy bear cheerleader.
“I have taken it upon myself to make them acceptable to you, most dark and strange Umbrae.” Sol bows to her and pulls the twins’ hands down in a jerk to get them to bow as well. Dipper grunts annoyedly.
“All right, bring ‘em in. I wanna see if they are up to my standards.” Umbrae opens the door and Sol carries the twins inside.
He carried them down dimly lit corridors to the central throne room. The throne sat upon a floating pedestal in front of a large hexagon window.
Umbrae entered through a black hole and floated up to Dipper and Mabel. She grabbed Dipper’s jaw and looked firmly in his eyes, opened his mouth, turned him around, and plucked a hair from his back, inspecting it’s texture.
“A satisfactory specimen. However, his claws are looking a bit dull; make sure he’s keeping them sharpened.”
She moves on to Mabel. She does the same inspection, however, she looks more intently into Mabel’s eyes.
“I sense a glimmer of sunshine and rainbows with this one. She needs more training. Put her in with the Void Fiends. “
“Uh, your gothiness, maybe she would benefit from the example set by her brother.”
“Fine, put them both in with the Void Fiends.”
“Right away, Mistress.” Sol leads the two down another hallway.
“Hey, Sol, what are Void Fiends?” Dipper asks, concerned.
“Mistress’ pets; legless black creatures with large gaping mouths.”
The twins let out a “yeep!”
“Oh, don’t worry, they’re quite friendly, they just really love darkness. They’re naturally found in underground caves, you know. “
“Will they hurt us?” Mabel asks.
“Only if you’re a glowworm. Their food of choice.”
“You seem to know a lot about these things.” Dipper says.
“I used to run a travelling freak show.”
“So, you’re going to put us in with those…things?”
“Only because the Mistress so ordered. However, I’ll leave the door unlocked so you can do whatever it is you wanted to do here. Be quick, though. Your mutations won’t last long.”
They came upon a large steel door. Sol opened it and put the twins inside.
“Sol, thanks for getting us inside.” Dipper said.
“Yeah, yeah. Now, remember our deal? I got you inside, now you talk to Umbrae for me.”
“Right! Matchmaker Mabel powers activate! You go look for something to get our world back to normal, Dipper!” Mabel ran off down the hall.
“Once again, it’s up to me to save the world.” Dipper sighed.
“Hey, kid. Why do you wanna turn your world normal again?” Sol asked as Dipper left.
“Some people like normality.” Dipper replied.
“…Why?” Sol asks himself, shrugging.
Meanwhile, in Umbrae’s throne room, Umbrae sat upon her throne, playing paddleball with a screaming ball, looking bored.
Mabel observes Umbrae from a dark corner of the room. She crawls out into Umbrae’s line of sight.
“What are you doing out here?” Umbrae sat up. “SOL! One of your mutants escaped!” she bellowed in a booming demon voice.
A few minutes pass as Mabel stares awkwardly at Umbrae. “SOL! GET IN HERE!” Umbrae grew larger and her eyes glowed yellow.
Umbrae groaned with mild disgust. “…So, what’s your name?”
“Well, Mabel, I’m Umbrae. I’m in charge here. I run this world. And as soon as Sol gets back, he’s taking you to the kennels, and you’ll stay there until I say otherwise.”
“So, his name’s Sol? He’s kinda…cuuu…hannnn…square.” Mabel made a circular motion with her hands while thinking of an appropriate adjective.
“He’s all right. He cleans my cesspool, and he got me some sweet critters from Space God-knows-where. His service leaves something to be desired, though.”
“Well, I think he has an eye for you.” Mabel said in a coy voice.
“Oh, really?” Umbrae said, sounding a tad interested as she sat on her throne.
“Yeah. He said you’re one fine demon.”
“Did he?” Umbrae leaned back.
“He’s too shy to tell you himself. But, when he talks about you, his voice gets deeper and he gets this look in his eye.”
“Which one?” Umbrae asked.
“The big one that looks at you when you talk.”
“Oh, so Sol likes me? Never woulda guessed.